How Not to Burn Your Network: 5 Practical Tips
“Your network isn’t just a resource—it’s a relationship. Treat it accordingly.”
When Smart Women Unintentionally Drain Their Network
If you're the go-to person—the one who always gets things done—it can be easy to forget that support is a two-way street. And yet, one of the most common traps for high-performing women is unintentionally burning through their networks by over-asking, under-reciprocating, or failing to maintain key relationships outside of moments of need.
This isn’t a matter of etiquette—it’s psychology. Strong networks don’t grow by accident. They’re shaped by intentionality, boundaries, and mutual value.
Let’s break down how to protect and grow your network without over-tapping your relationships—or burning bridges in the process.
1. Audit the Frequency and Nature of Your Asks
Are you reaching out only when you need a favor, recommendation, or introduction? Even if your intentions are professional, a lopsided rhythm can create what psychologists call relational debt—a growing imbalance where one side gives more than they receive.
Try this: Do a quarterly relationship audit.
Ask yourself:
Who are the top 5 people I’ve leaned on most this year?
When was the last time I offered value without an ask?
If you’re drawing from the same well too often, it’s time to reset.
2. Shift from Transactional to Relational Touchpoints
You don’t have to take everyone to coffee to maintain a relationship. Small, thoughtful touchpoints build just as much goodwill—and often more.
Ideas:
Forward an article with a short note: “Thought of you.”
Congratulate them publicly on LinkedIn.
Check in during professional milestones (new job, promotion, launch).
Offer to connect them to someone in your circle without being asked.
The goal is to keep the relationship warm—not wait until it’s cold to show up.
3. Stop Assuming You’re the Exception
High achievers often think:
“I’m respectful, thoughtful, efficient—they won’t mind if I ask again.”
Even if that’s true, over time, any relationship without reciprocation begins to feel extractive. And most people won’t tell you when you’ve crossed the line—they’ll just start ignoring your emails.
Key mindset shift: No one is above needing to manage how they show up in others' inboxes, calendars, and mental space.
4. Don’t Delegate Your Career Growth to Your Network
Your network can support your growth—but it can’t carry your ambition for you.
Before reaching out, ask:
Is this something I can Google?
Is this a repeat question I’ve already leaned on this person for?
Can I trade value—for example, share a relevant update, offer support, or provide a testimonial?
People are more likely to support you when they feel seen, appreciated, and respected—not when they feel mined for access or advice.
5. Invest in Your Network When You Don’t Need Anything
The best way to avoid burning your network? Show up when you don’t need help.
Be known for:
Sending a thoughtful note after a great conversation
Checking in after someone took a risk or shared something vulnerable
Following up to let them know how their advice paid off
Gratitude, presence, and reciprocity aren’t old-fashioned—they’re rare. And in a hyper-networked world, rare stands out.
Recommended Reading
Give and Take by Adam Grant ★
A research-backed guide to why “givers” ultimately win in life and business—and how to avoid becoming a doormat.The Power of Who by Bob Beaudine ★
A practical reminder that you already know everyone you need to know—you just have to steward those relationships well.
References
Grant, A. (2013). Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success. Viking.
Beaudine, B. (2009). The Power of Who: You Already Know Everyone You Need to Know. Center Street.
Baumeister, R.F., & Leary, M.R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 497–529.
Cialdini, R.B. (2001). Influence: Science and Practice. Allyn & Bacon.
★ Heads up—this is an affiliate link! If you buy something, Amazon sends a small thank-you my way (no extra cost to you). It’s like buying me a coffee, but with books or gadgets.
