Top Signs You Might Be Neurodivergent and Not Know It
10 traits of ADHD, autism, and other common neurotypes that might be flying under your radar.
Why So Many High-Achieving Women Are Just Now Considering Neurodivergence
You’ve always done things a little differently, but never enough to raise concern. Maybe you were the kid who read obsessively but hated group projects. Maybe you learned to mask your quirks, push through overstimulation, or “fix” your scattered mind with color-coded systems and 2 a.m. work sessions. You were praised for your output, not your peace. And so, like many women, you kept going.
But lately, it feels harder. You’re exhausted. Meetings drain you. Conversations blur. Your once-reliable coping tools are starting to crack. Quietly, you’ve wondered if it’s burnout—or if it’s something more.
That quiet wondering is not uncommon, especially among women in leadership. A growing body of research suggests that many high-achieving women may be unknowingly neurodivergent—and that our current frameworks for identifying these conditions are biased toward male and childhood expressions.
What Is Neurodivergence?
Neurodivergence is a term coined by sociologist Judy Singer in the late 1990s to describe natural variations in brain function that diverge from what is considered "neurotypical."¹ This includes differences in learning, attention, processing, communication, and social behavior. Common neurodivergent profiles include:
Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
Dyslexia, Dyscalculia, Dyspraxia
Sensory Processing Disorder
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Tourette Syndrome, among others
Being neurodivergent isn’t inherently a disability—it’s a different way of experiencing the world.² The challenge arises when workplaces, schools, and leadership norms are built to serve only one type of mind: the neurotypical.
Why Women Are Often Missed
Most diagnostic tools were developed with boys in mind, especially in relation to ADHD and autism.³ Girls and women often present differently—quieter, more perfectionistic, better at “masking” symptoms.⁴ Because of this, many women are misdiagnosed with anxiety or depression, or not diagnosed at all.⁵
In the workplace, this gets even more complex. A woman struggling with executive dysfunction might be seen as disorganized. A woman with sensory overwhelm might be labeled high-strung. And a woman who hyperfocuses might be celebrated—until she burns out.
This isn’t about labeling or limiting. It’s about giving language to what’s long been unnamed. It’s about understanding yourself in a deeper, more compassionate way—and building a career that supports how your brain actually works.
Section 1: How Many Adults Are Neurodivergent (and Don’t Know It)
Recent estimates suggest that 15–20% of the global population is neurodivergent—but a significant number of adults remain undiagnosed, especially women.⁶ In the U.S. alone, it's believed that millions of adults are navigating life with unrecognized ADHD, autism, or learning differences.⁷
For women, the invisibility is compounded by cultural expectations. Traits like emotional intensity, forgetfulness, or overworking are often explained away as personality quirks—or worse, as personal failings.⁸ Add in the pressure to succeed, appear put-together, and lead effectively, and many women adopt perfectionistic behaviors to compensate without realizing what they’re masking.
Until recently, most diagnostic criteria were centered on white, male populations in childhood.⁹ High-performing women, especially those in leadership, don’t “fit the mold” and are far more likely to be dismissed or misdiagnosed. It’s not uncommon for them to reach their 30s, 40s, or even 50s before ever being evaluated.
But the numbers are shifting. More women are asking questions. More clinicians are listening. And the psychological community is catching up—slowly but surely—to the reality that you can be successful and still have a brain that needs different conditions to thrive.¹⁰
Section 2: 10 Signs You Might Be Neurodivergent (and What to Do About It)
These signs are not definitive diagnoses—but if several feel familiar, it may be worth exploring a formal assessment. For each sign, we’ve included steps you can take to begin understanding your cognitive profile and getting the support you deserve.
1. You Overwork to Stay “On Track”
You work twice as long as others just to meet the same expectations. It’s not laziness or inefficiency—it’s compensation. Many neurodivergent women report a need for long mental “runways” before getting started and require uninterrupted stretches of time to enter flow. When they can’t achieve that ideal environment, the result is last-minute stress, overworking, and eventually, burnout.
This isn't a character flaw. It’s often a sign of underlying executive dysfunction—difficulty initiating, prioritizing, and completing tasks—common in both ADHD and autism spectrum presentations.¹¹
But because you’ve been praised for your output or perfectionism, the exhaustion that fuels your success goes unexamined.
Action Steps:
Track task durations. Use tools like Toggl or RescueTime to see how long it takes you to complete various tasks. Patterns in time use and fatigue can be incredibly telling.
Create frictionless routines. Reduce the number of decisions required to begin your workday. Default checklists, pre-scheduled focus blocks, and visual cues help reduce cognitive load.
Audit your work-reward cycle. Notice if your productivity is fueled by anxiety or avoidance. Consider shifting your metrics of success away from constant busyness.
Overworking may look like discipline from the outside. But if your effort is rooted in survival rather than sustainability, it’s time to reassess.
2. You’ve Been Called “Too Much” and “Not Enough”—Sometimes in the Same Week
You’re either “too direct” or “not assertive enough.” You “overthink everything” yet “miss social cues.” People admire your passion but sometimes avoid your intensity. Sound familiar?
Many neurodivergent women live in this paradox. They may struggle with emotional regulation, social reciprocity, or interpreting unspoken workplace norms—especially in environments that reward nuance, diplomacy, and rapid social adaptation.¹² This results in feedback that is often vague, contradictory, or rooted in tone-policing rather than performance.
Instead of being told, “You’re too much,” the deeper issue is often: “You’re different—and I don’t know how to categorize that.”
For women who’ve masked for years, this kind of feedback feels deeply destabilizing. They often adjust their behavior obsessively to avoid standing out, only to still feel like they’re never quite getting it right.
Action Steps:
Keep a feedback journal. Track workplace comments and how they made you feel. Over time, look for themes in what’s being misunderstood. Patterns help separate real concerns from biased perceptions.
Name the double binds. “Too much” vs. “not enough” is a false dichotomy. When you notice conflicting expectations, write down what you value in how you show up.
Explore assertive communication frameworks. Tools like nonviolent communication or scripts like “I’d like to clarify expectations so I can deliver effectively” can ease social friction.
You are not too much. You are navigating a world that doesn’t know how to hold complexity. That doesn’t mean you’re the problem.
3. You Feel Emotionally Drained After Social Interactions—Even When You Like the People
You can navigate meetings, team lunches, or networking events with apparent ease—but afterward, you’re completely depleted. You replay conversations. You wonder if you came across too intense or too quiet. And by the end of the day, you’re wiped.
This is often the result of social masking, a survival mechanism where neurodivergent individuals consciously (or unconsciously) mimic neurotypical behaviors to fit in.¹³ It’s particularly common in women, who are socialized from a young age to prioritize likeability, adaptability, and emotional labor.
Over time, masking becomes exhausting. It’s not just the performance—it’s the constant monitoring of your performance. And while most people feel some level of fatigue after prolonged social interaction, this kind of drain goes beyond introversion. It’s neurological.
Action Steps:
Schedule decompression time. After intense meetings or events, block time for solo work, movement, or quiet reflection. Recovery isn’t optional; it’s a productivity tool.
Experiment with honest boundaries. Instead of forcing small talk or overexplaining, try gentle opt-outs like: “I’m recharging between meetings—can we pick this up tomorrow?”
Track the emotional cost of events. Which ones leave you energized? Which deplete you? Use this to map where masking may be at play and where you can show up more authentically.
Masking can help you survive—until it makes thriving impossible. The goal isn’t to perform better. It’s to be more fully yourself, even in high-performing spaces.
4. You Hyperfocus—But Only on Certain Things
You can get lost in hours of deep concentration… but only when the topic is something you care about. Otherwise, even simple tasks feel impossible to start. This intense, often joyful absorption is called hyperfocus, and it’s a lesser-known hallmark of ADHD and some forms of autism.¹⁴
Hyperfocus isn’t the same as being “in flow.” It’s an all-consuming state that can cause you to forget to eat, ignore time-sensitive responsibilities, or block out people around you. It’s not intentional avoidance—it’s cognitive hijacking.
Women with undiagnosed ADHD often struggle to explain why they can write a 30-page proposal in one sitting but can’t answer a basic email. To others, it looks like laziness or inconsistency. Internally, it feels like your brain has two settings: all or nothing.
Action Steps:
Design your schedule around interest peaks. If possible, reserve your highest-focus windows for your most engaging work. Use low-energy times for admin or routine tasks.
Use gentle redirection tools. Apps like Forest or Focusmate can help guide your attention without punishment when your mind wanders.
Set physical cues to pause. Place visual reminders to check the time, hydrate, or reset. Hyperfocus isn’t inherently bad—but without boundaries, it can be disruptive.
Your deep focus is a strength. The key is learning to harness it while protecting the rest of your life from being drowned out.
5. You Struggle to Prioritize Tasks—Even When You’re Highly Capable
You have a full calendar, a clear to-do list, and even a detailed strategy… but you still can’t decide where to begin. Urgent tasks feel impossible to start, and low-priority ones suddenly consume your day. This isn’t procrastination. It’s often a sign of executive dysfunction—specifically, difficulty with task initiation and prioritization.¹⁵
Executive dysfunction doesn’t mean you lack discipline. In fact, many women with ADHD or autism excel in crisis or deadline-driven work because adrenaline temporarily overrides decision paralysis. But in a typical workday without urgency? Everything feels equally important—or equally impossible.
This challenge is often invisible to others. On paper, you’re performing. In reality, you’re mentally treading water.
Action Steps:
Try external prioritization tools. Use methods like the Eisenhower Matrix or priority scoring to rank tasks visually. This removes decision-making from a mental loop.
Use “one thing” framing. Ask: “If I only accomplish one thing today, what will make the rest easier?” Build from there.
Avoid perfectionist prep. You don’t need the perfect system to begin. Start with scaffolding: 10 minutes of focus, then reassess.
If your brain struggles with prioritization, you are not disorganized—you are differently organized. The fix isn’t more discipline. It’s better systems that work with your wiring, not against it.
6. You React Strongly to Sounds, Textures, or Light—and Always Have
You flinch at sudden noises, get overwhelmed by certain fabrics, or avoid fluorescent lighting like it’s your job. These aren’t “quirks.” They’re signs of sensory processing sensitivity, which is common in autism and can also occur in ADHD.¹⁶
For many high-functioning women, these sensitivities get brushed off or hidden. You swap out fabrics, rearrange your workspace, or avoid certain environments without realizing that your brain is processing far more sensory data than most people.
This heightened sensitivity doesn’t make you weak. In fact, some studies suggest that sensory sensitivity correlates with deeper empathy, creativity, and moral reasoning.¹⁷ But unmanaged, it can lead to exhaustion, irritability, and misdiagnosis (often mistaken for anxiety or mood disorders).
Action Steps:
Audit your sensory landscape. Identify your biggest sensory triggers and modify them when possible (e.g., noise-canceling headphones, blue-light filters, soft clothing).
Create buffer zones. Avoid back-to-back overstimulating meetings or events. Sensory rest is just as vital as sleep.
Communicate preferences when needed. You don’t need to justify a dimmer light or a quieter workspace. Frame it as optimizing focus and performance.
Sensitivity is not a flaw—it’s a filter. And adjusting your environment isn’t selfish; it’s strategic.
7. You’ve Been Called “Intense” or “Hard to Read” by Coworkers
You bring passion, focus, and clarity—but you’re often told your tone is too flat, your gaze too steady, or your energy “too much.” You’re seen as intimidating by junior staff or unreadable by managers. These aren’t personality flaws. They’re often signs of differences in nonverbal communication, which are common in autism and other neurodivergent profiles.¹⁸
Many women learn to camouflage these cues—smiling more, nodding reflexively, softening their tone—just to be perceived as agreeable or approachable. But the constant performance becomes exhausting. Worse, it creates dissonance: the more you try to seem “normal,” the more out of sync you feel with yourself.
This mismatch in social signaling often leads to professional misjudgment—where others interpret your body language or tone as disinterest, defensiveness, or aloofness. Over time, this can lead to isolation, underpromotion, or being passed over for leadership roles that require “people skills.”
Action Steps:
Clarify with words, not just expression. If your facial expressions or tone are misread, add verbal cues: “I’m excited about this,” or “This matters to me.”
Ask for perception feedback from a trusted peer. Choose someone you trust to share what signals you may be unintentionally giving off. Frame it as curiosity, not a correction mission.
Focus on impact, not conformity. Your goal isn’t to “perform” neurotypicality. It’s to ensure your intent is understood and your leadership style is respected.
Being “hard to read” often just means you’re not broadcasting in the expected format. That doesn’t mean your message is wrong—it just needs a clearer signal.
8. You’ve Been Told You’re “Not a Team Player”—But No One Can Explain Why
You deliver high-quality work, meet deadlines, and support your colleagues. Yet somehow, you’re labeled as “difficult,” “cold,” or “not collaborative.” The feedback is vague and often tied to your style—not your output.
This is a common experience for neurodivergent women. Many workplaces equate teamwork with extroversion, small talk, and emotional intuitiveness—all of which may be draining or unnatural for people with autism or ADHD.¹⁹
You may prefer structured communication over spontaneous brainstorming. You might avoid office politics or find it hard to “read the room.” While you’re committed to the mission, you don’t show it in expected ways—and that can trigger mistrust from peers or managers who value conformity over clarity.
Action Steps:
Clarify your collaboration style. Say: “I work best when there’s a clear agenda and goal. That’s how I can contribute most effectively.” Normalize difference.
Document your contributions. Keep a running record of support offered, cross-functional work, and outcomes. Use it in performance reviews or to counter vague critique.
Seek environments that value outcome over optics. Not every workplace rewards authentic contribution. Sometimes, finding the right fit—not shape-shifting—is the solution.
Being a team player doesn’t mean blending in. It means bringing your unique strengths to the table—and ensuring they’re seen and understood.
9. You Need More Transitions Than Most People to Start or Stop Tasks
You set alarms, block your calendar, and even write things down—but still find it hard to shift gears. Whether it’s getting out of bed, starting a new project, or ending one meeting and entering another, transitions take longer than they “should.” This isn’t laziness. It’s a sign of cognitive inflexibility, often seen in autism and ADHD.²⁰
Transitions can be mentally and emotionally disorienting. Your brain isn’t just switching activities—it’s recalibrating your entire mode of functioning. Even enjoyable transitions (like ending work to meet a friend) can feel jarring. For neurodivergent individuals, this friction isn’t about motivation—it’s about neural wiring.
Many high-achieving women compensate by structuring their lives rigidly or overbooking their days, which often backfires. When inevitable disruptions occur, the internal tension spikes.
Action Steps:
Build in transition rituals. Use cues like a song, a walk, or a drink of water between tasks to reset your nervous system.
Limit context switching. Batch similar tasks (e.g., emails, meetings, writing) so you reduce the number of mental shifts per day.
Honor transition time. If it takes you 30 minutes to “get into gear,” plan for that instead of fighting it. This isn’t inefficiency—it’s self-knowledge.
Transitions aren’t just about time management. They’re about mind management. The more you understand how you shift, the smoother your day becomes.
10. You’ve Received Feedback That You’re “Too Direct” or “Too Much”—But It’s Just How You Think
You speak in bullet points. You get to the heart of the issue quickly. You don’t sugarcoat things. And while some colleagues admire your clarity, others find it jarring—or even “aggressive.”
This type of feedback is incredibly common among neurodivergent women, particularly those with ADHD or autism. It’s not just communication style—it’s processing style.²¹ Many neurodivergent thinkers default to directness because their brain works in structured logic or rapid pattern recognition. Their intention is efficiency. But in neurotypical spaces, that directness can be interpreted as rudeness, bluntness, or lack of emotional intelligence.
Over time, this misalignment can wear down even the most confident professional. You begin to question your instincts or over-edit your speech in ways that dilute your message.
Action Steps:
Name your style as a strength. Say: “I tend to be very direct, especially when solving problems—I want to make sure we’re aligned on the goal.”
Use preambles when needed. Phrases like “This might sound blunt, but it’s coming from care…” help soften the landing without changing your message.
Don’t abandon clarity for comfort. Adjust tone when necessary, but don’t lose the gift of straightforward communication. It’s an asset, not a flaw.
Sometimes, what’s perceived as “too much” is actually just enough—for the right role, audience, or mission.
Section 3: How and Where to Get Tested
Discovering that you might be neurodivergent as an adult—especially as a high-performing woman—can feel both clarifying and overwhelming. Many women report a sense of deep relief when they finally understand that their patterns aren’t personality flaws, but neurological differences.²² But what comes next? If you suspect you might have ADHD, autism, or another form of neurodivergence, formal testing is the most reliable path to clarity.
1. Know What Testing Looks Like
Neuropsychological testing is a structured process that assesses your cognitive functioning, executive skills, social-emotional behaviors, and developmental history. It often includes:
A clinical interview, where you describe your challenges, history, and goals.
Behavioral questionnaires, completed by you and sometimes colleagues, friends, or family.
A battery of cognitive and executive functioning tests, administered in person or via telehealth.
In the case of autism, clinicians will also assess for communication patterns, sensory sensitivity, and social behaviors. For ADHD, they’ll evaluate attention span, impulse control, and working memory.²³
2. Find a Licensed Professional
Look for a licensed clinical psychologist or neuropsychologist who specializes in adult diagnosis. Many traditional testing models were designed for children, and adult women are still widely underdiagnosed due to outdated frameworks.²⁴
Where to search:
Psychology Today’s Therapist Finder: psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
The National Register of Health Service Psychologists: findapsychologist.org
Local university-based clinics, which often offer thorough testing at reduced rates.
Make sure your provider is experienced with women and adult presentations of neurodivergence. It’s also worth asking if they use the RAADS-R or ADOS-2 for autism, and DIVA-5 for ADHD—these are considered gold-standard tools.
3. Consider the Cost
Full neuropsychological testing can range from $1,000 to $5,000 and is not always covered by insurance, especially if you're not referred by a primary care provider. However, some options to offset cost include:
University psychology clinics
Sliding scale providers
Out-of-network reimbursements if you have a PPO plan
Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs), which may offer initial consultations
If you’re unable to afford full testing, consider a diagnostic screening first. While not sufficient for official accommodations, these screenings can provide helpful direction.
4. Prepare Emotionally
Testing isn’t just logistical—it’s emotional. Many women experience grief when reflecting on how much easier school, work, or relationships might have been with earlier support. But there’s also often a sense of empowerment. A diagnosis can:
Help you access formal accommodations at work
Clarify which tools and therapies are worth your time
Offer language for self-advocacy and boundary setting
Lead to healthier team dynamics and career decisions
Knowing how your brain works is not a label—it’s a strategy.²⁵
Section 4: How Neurodivergence Can Impact Your Career
Many high-achieving women are surprised to learn they are neurodivergent not because they’ve failed, but because they’ve succeeded—at great personal cost. Their careers have often advanced due to intense focus, hyper-productivity, or perfectionism, not despite their neurodivergence but because of it. Yet, without awareness and support, that success can quietly come with tradeoffs: burnout, miscommunication, or underrecognition.
Here’s how neurodivergence can shape your professional life—and what to do about it.
1. Communication and Perception Gaps
You speak plainly, you get to the point, and you skip the small talk—not because you’re cold or disengaged, but because your brain is wired for clarity and efficiency. However, in many workplace cultures, especially those steeped in unspoken norms, this can create disconnects. Neurotypical colleagues often rely heavily on nuance, tone, and emotional subtext. What you intended as directness may be perceived as criticism. A decision made quickly may be interpreted as carelessness. A solitary lunch could be read as aloofness.
For women—who are already socialized to be “likable,” empathetic, and team-oriented—these disconnects can feel especially costly. Studies show that neurodivergent women are more likely to be perceived as “rude,” “intense,” or “difficult to work with,” even when their work product is exceptional.²⁶ This isn’t about lacking people skills—it’s about a mismatch between communication norms and neurological processing.
Action Steps:
Acknowledge your style early. In new teams or roles, a sentence like, “I tend to be direct—it helps me think clearly, but I’m always open to feedback,” can defuse misunderstandings before they form.
Ask colleagues how they prefer to receive feedback. This opens a two-way dialogue that fosters mutual understanding instead of placing the burden entirely on you to conform.
Use context cues without overperforming. A warm greeting, eye contact (as comfortable), or a short check-in at the start of a meeting can bridge perception gaps without masking your full personality.
Directness is not a deficit—it’s a different style of clarity. And when combined with self-awareness and small relational bridges, it can be one of your greatest assets in leadership.
2. Hidden Burnout from Masking
If you’ve ever felt emotionally drained after a perfectly normal workday—or noticed that you crash hard after social interactions—you may be experiencing the cognitive cost of masking.
Masking refers to the conscious or unconscious act of camouflaging your natural behaviors in order to appear “neurotypical.” This can look like forcing eye contact, rehearsing small talk, mimicking workplace norms, overthinking your tone, or suppressing stimming behaviors like fidgeting or foot-tapping.²⁷ Over time, masking becomes a full-time job layered on top of your actual responsibilities—and for high-achieving women, it’s often invisible because performance remains high.
Research shows that sustained masking is linked to higher levels of anxiety, depression, and burnout among neurodivergent individuals—especially women, who tend to mask more effectively and for longer.²⁸ That effectiveness, unfortunately, often delays diagnosis and reduces workplace support, leaving you depleted and misunderstood.
Action Steps:
Identify where you mask most often. Is it in team meetings, one-on-ones with leadership, or social functions? Simply recognizing these patterns is the first step to reclaiming energy.
Unmask in low-risk contexts first. This might mean using a fidget tool on Zoom, turning off your camera when possible, or scripting emails in your authentic tone rather than mimicking someone else's voice.
Create environments where others don’t have to mask. If you lead a team, model flexibility. Normalize breaks, direct feedback, and sensory-friendly options—like choosing Slack over spontaneous calls.
You don’t have to be “on” all the time to be respected. In fact, the more you unmask in safe, intentional ways, the more likely you are to build trust—and preserve your energy for the work that actually matters.²⁹
3. Misalignment with Conventional Leadership Models
If your leadership style is structured, systems-driven, and rooted in logic, you might feel out of sync with prevailing corporate leadership norms—which often prioritize charisma, emotional dexterity, and executive presence.³⁰ While these traits are useful, they aren’t the only path to strong leadership. Yet, neurodivergent women frequently find themselves overlooked because they don’t fit the mold.
In many organizations, leaders are expected to intuitively manage team dynamics, speak off-the-cuff, and maintain “approachability”—a moving target often based on neurotypical standards. But neurodivergent leaders may thrive instead through thoughtful decision-making, boundary clarity, risk anticipation, and process optimization. The problem isn’t ability—it’s perception.
What’s more, when neurodivergent women do speak with conviction or offer direct critiques, their feedback can be dismissed as abrasive rather than strategic.³¹ This perception gap is amplified by gender norms that penalize women for assertiveness and reward men for the same behaviors.
Action Steps:
Articulate your leadership logic. Don’t assume your effectiveness will speak for itself. Share the why behind your decisions—especially when your approach deviates from the norm.
Build in emotional check-ins—even if it feels awkward. While your natural focus may be on systems or outputs, brief relational rituals (like opening team meetings with wins or gratitude) help bridge relational gaps.
Reframe your leadership strengths. Are you good at seeing bottlenecks before they occur? Designing elegant workflows? Naming tension others avoid? These aren’t just skills—they’re leadership assets. Name them.
You don’t have to emulate charisma to be effective. Your clarity, consistency, and capacity to think deeply are leadership traits in their own right—especially when paired with emotional self-awareness.
4. Pattern Recognition as a Superpower
You’ve likely been the first to notice when a process isn’t working, when morale is dipping, or when a small decision might ripple into a bigger problem. That’s not just experience—it’s pattern recognition, a cognitive strength commonly found in neurodivergent individuals, especially those with ADHD and autism.³²
This skill allows you to quickly identify connections between seemingly unrelated issues, anticipate outcomes others overlook, and offer unconventional yet effective solutions. It’s a form of systems thinking that’s highly valuable in fields like strategy, operations, education, engineering, and data science. Yet, because it doesn’t always align with linear thinking or “standard” communication styles, it’s often misunderstood—or missed entirely in performance reviews.
For women, this disconnect can be even more pronounced. While men are often praised for “visionary thinking,” women offering the same insights may be seen as overreaching, disruptive, or too intense—especially if their delivery is blunt or their observations challenge senior leadership.³³
Action Steps:
Make your thinking visible. Don’t assume others see what you see. Document trends, create frameworks, or visually map how one issue connects to another. Translate intuition into a format that neurotypical colleagues can follow.
Build a reputation as a strategic thinker. Ask for stretch projects that require systems design or long-term planning. These arenas let your pattern recognition shine.
Validate your instincts with data. When possible, back your observations with evidence. This not only increases your credibility but helps leadership see your insights as grounded, not disruptive.
The ability to spot what others miss is not a side effect of your brain—it’s a strength. When you learn to package your insights in ways others can act on, you move from being “the one with concerns” to “the one with vision.”
5. Career Pacing and Energy Regulation
You might look like a high achiever on paper—promotions, accolades, a history of going above and beyond—but internally, your career may have felt like a cycle of sprint, crash, recover, repeat. Neurodivergent professionals often push themselves to match neurotypical work rhythms, but at great personal cost.³⁴
For many women, the result is delayed burnout or unexplained fatigue that’s dismissed as “work-life balance issues” rather than neurological mismatch. Some stay in roles that deplete them because they’re too competent to fail publicly. Others take breaks or pivot often—not from lack of direction, but from exhaustion. And still others internalize the pressure, feeling broken for not thriving in systems that were never built with their brains in mind.
This pacing mismatch can also mean that traditional career ladders don’t feel sustainable. A promotion that looks like a win on the outside may quietly feel like a trap if the role requires constant multitasking, emotional labor, or sensory overload.³⁵
Action Steps:
Audit your energy, not just your time. Track which tasks drain vs. energize you—not just in output, but in recovery time. Use this to shape your calendar, team responsibilities, and career decisions.
Challenge the idea that success means more. More meetings, more direct reports, more stress. It doesn’t have to. Consider lateral moves, portfolio careers, or designing your own metrics for success.
Build in micro-recoveries. Whether it's five minutes of stillness between meetings or blocking Friday afternoons for deep work, proactive rest prevents reactive burnout.
Success isn’t sustainable if it comes at the cost of your nervous system. When you pace yourself for your brain, you don’t just survive the work—you start to shape it.
6. The Pressure to Perform Competency
For many neurodivergent women, competence isn’t just a goal—it becomes a form of armor. You might obsess over preparation, double-check every email, or over-deliver on minor tasks to avoid being questioned. Why? Because deep down, you’ve learned that the margin for error is smaller when your communication style, cognitive rhythms, or social instincts don’t align with workplace norms.³⁶
This pressure is often compounded by gendered expectations: where men might be granted “visionary” status for unconventional behavior, women are more likely to be penalized unless they can also prove likability, clarity, and consistency.³⁷ For neurodivergent women, this means working twice as hard just to be seen as equally capable.
And while high performance may protect your reputation, it can come at the expense of your well-being. Perfectionism becomes a mask. Over-functioning becomes the baseline. And self-doubt becomes chronic—because the validation you're chasing was never designed for you to win.
Action Steps:
Notice the over-functioning loop. When you catch yourself rewriting emails late at night or volunteering for everything, pause. Ask: Is this excellence, or fear?
Redefine what good looks like. Instead of perfect, aim for effective. Instead of people-pleasing, aim for clarity. These shifts recalibrate expectations without lowering your standards.
Ask for feedback on outcomes, not style. If you're concerned about how you're perceived, steer performance reviews toward impact metrics, not tone or social polish.
You don’t need to prove your intelligence every day to be respected. You are allowed to take up space, ask for support, and succeed on your own terms.
7. Feedback That Feels Personal
Even when feedback is well-intentioned, it can feel disproportionately painful if you're neurodivergent—especially if you've spent years camouflaging, self-monitoring, or second-guessing your instincts.³⁸ This isn’t hypersensitivity; it’s a sign that your nervous system may interpret critique as threat rather than guidance.
This is particularly common in women with ADHD or autism, who often experience rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD)—a neurological condition where perceived criticism triggers intense emotional reactions or shame.³⁹ Add to that the social conditioning many women face to be “pleasing” or “easy to work with,” and feedback can quickly feel like an attack on your identity, not just your output.
In high-achieving women, this may show up as defensiveness, over-explaining, or spiraling self-doubt. Unfortunately, if not addressed, it can also stall growth or make you appear “difficult” to colleagues or leadership—reinforcing an unfair loop.
Action Steps:
Pause before reacting. When feedback hits a nerve, buy yourself time. Say, “Thanks—I'd like to reflect on that and revisit it tomorrow.” This slows emotional reactivity and models professionalism.
Separate the content from the delivery. Not all feedback is well-delivered. Identify what’s useful versus what’s poorly framed or laced with bias.
Build a feedback translator. Ask a trusted colleague or mentor to help you process tough feedback. They can help you contextualize it and distill actionable takeaways.
Feedback is data—not identity. When you learn to metabolize it on your terms, it becomes a tool for refinement, not a weapon of shame.
8. Difficulty with Context Switching
For neurodivergent professionals, especially those with ADHD or autism, switching between tasks or environments can feel disorienting and cognitively expensive.⁴⁰ It’s not just about changing tabs—it’s about shifting mental frameworks, interrupting deep focus, and recalibrating your brain’s executive function on demand.
This can show up as frustration when pulled into unplanned meetings, delayed responses to emails while in flow state, or even irritability during transitions. Neurotypical colleagues may interpret this as inflexibility or lack of urgency—when in reality, it’s a neurological friction point.
Women in leadership often mask this strain by over-accommodating: multitasking across priorities, saying yes to last-minute requests, and staying late to “catch up” on work they couldn’t finish during interruption-heavy days. Over time, this erodes energy and sets an unsustainable standard.
Action Steps:
Design “protected blocks” of time. Schedule uninterrupted work periods on your calendar and treat them as meetings with yourself. Communicate this boundary to your team.
Use transition rituals. Give your brain signals that it’s time to shift. This might be a walk, music, or a brief journaling break between major context changes.
Batch tasks by cognitive load. Instead of switching between admin, strategy, and people tasks all day, group similar work together to reduce mental strain.
Your brain likely thrives in deep focus and clear structure. Honoring that isn’t a luxury—it’s a strategy.
9. Overexplaining or Undersharing
You might spend five minutes justifying a small decision—or say nothing when a project goes off-track. This paradox isn’t a personality quirk; it’s often a communication pattern rooted in neurodivergence.⁴¹
Many neurodivergent professionals toggle between overexplaining (to preempt criticism, misunderstanding, or judgment) and undersharing (because they assume others follow their mental logic or don’t want to overburden the group). This can create confusion. You may be seen as lacking confidence, being evasive, or taking up too much space—when in fact, you're just trying to connect or stay safe in a system that doesn’t feel fully designed for you.
For women, these tendencies are even more loaded. Social norms reward women who are brief but emotionally attuned—and penalize those who are direct or overly detailed. If you don’t fit the script, you risk being misunderstood or marginalized, regardless of your actual competence.
Action Steps:
Use frameworks for clarity. Before speaking, organize your point: “Here’s the context, here’s the decision, and here’s what I need from you.” This structure helps others follow your thought process.
Practice “enoughness.” Not every idea needs a full backstory. Ask yourself: “What’s the minimum effective dose of information here?”
Get feedback from trusted peers. Ask a colleague: “Do I tend to overexplain in meetings?” Their perspective can help you calibrate your style to your audience without compromising who you are.
Clear communication is not about conforming—it’s about connecting. The more you understand your default settings, the more effectively you can tailor your message.
10. Common Feedback from Neurotypical Colleagues
Sometimes, the clearest indicators that you may be neurodivergent aren’t internal—they show up in the feedback loop from your peers or managers. You might repeatedly hear:
“You’re hard to read.”
“You can come off as intense.”
“You’re brilliant, but you make people uncomfortable.”
“You’re not flexible enough.”
“You’re difficult to manage.”
If you’ve heard variations of these phrases throughout your career—and they’ve never quite made sense—it could be because your norm is someone else’s disruption.⁴²
Neurotypical colleagues often expect a standard set of unspoken workplace behaviors: mirroring social cues, tolerating small talk, maintaining eye contact, engaging in diplomacy. If you process information differently or have heightened sensitivity to stimuli or ambiguity, your style might register as “off” even when your performance is excellent.
This can become especially problematic when you’re in leadership. Neurodivergent women who manage others may be perceived as overly blunt, unpredictable, or emotionally distant—when in fact, they’re masking discomfort, managing cognitive overload, or trying to be efficient.⁴³ Without awareness and language, this mismatch can erode trust on both sides.
Action Steps:
Translate behavior into clarity. If you tend to skip pleasantries or dive straight into the task, explain that upfront. “I’m direct because I value everyone’s time.”
Be open about communication preferences. You don’t need to disclose a diagnosis. You can say, “I focus better in writing,” or “I prefer agendas before meetings.”
Solicit structured feedback. Instead of asking, “How am I doing?” try, “Is there anything I could do differently to make collaboration easier for you?” Framing feedback in terms of partnership—not performance—reduces defensiveness and builds mutual understanding.
Awareness is power. When you understand how you’re being perceived—and why—it opens the door to dialogue, not self-erasure.
Final Thoughts: Self-Understanding Is a Leadership Skill
Neurodivergence doesn’t diminish your value—it reframes it. If anything, some of the very qualities that make you exceptional at work—hyper-focus, creativity, unconventional thinking, pattern recognition—might be connected to the same wiring that makes traditional workplaces feel like an uphill climb.
But masking your cognitive reality, over-functioning to stay under the radar, or internalizing biased feedback are not sustainable strategies. Awareness is. Self-compassion is. And informed support is.
Getting assessed for neurodivergence isn’t about labeling yourself. It’s about choosing to lead with alignment instead of exhaustion. And if the data says you are indeed wired differently? That’s not a limitation. That’s a blueprint.
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