5 Things Women in Leadership Deal With—That Men Rarely Experience
“Leadership isn’t gendered. But the way it’s perceived, rewarded, and challenged often is.”
Why I Focus on Women in My Work
Sometimes I’m asked, “Why do you focus so much on women in your content? Why not create content for everyone?”
The short answer is—I do. Anyone can benefit from this content, regardless of how they identify. The strategies, research, and tools I share are broadly applicable. But my focus is intentional. It’s personal.
I focus on helping women because I want to be the change I wish existed more broadly in the world. Women are still navigating workplaces that treat us differently—often in ways that are hard to name but easy to feel.
This work is my small contribution to closing that gap.
My goal is simple: to help women exist, lead, and thrive without having to pay an emotional tax just for showing up as ourselves. That includes not shrinking our voices, over-explaining our tone, or constantly calculating how we’ll be perceived.
Many of the people who’ve championed me throughout my career have been men—and I’m grateful. This isn’t about exclusion. It’s about making sure the realities women face are named, so they can finally begin to change.
1. The Double Bind: Be Assertive, But Not Aggressive
Decades of research confirm that women in leadership are evaluated differently than men—even when performing the same tasks. Assertiveness in men is seen as strength. In women, it’s often interpreted as abrasiveness or emotionality.
This creates what’s known as the double bind: the psychological and social tension women experience when they try to exhibit both competence and warmth. Too much authority, and they’re seen as cold. Too much empathy, and they’re perceived as weak.
A male manager can give firm direction and be praised as decisive. A female manager doing the same may be labeled difficult, intimidating, or "not a team player."
Key source: Heilman, M. E., & Okimoto, T. G. (2007)
Book recommendation: The Likeability Trap by Alicia Menendez ★
2. Invisible Labor: The Office Housework No One Acknowledges
Women are often asked to take notes, plan events, mentor junior staff, or be the emotional sounding board for team members. This “office housework” is rarely included in performance evaluations—but quietly expected.
These responsibilities add up. They require time and emotional energy, but rarely move the needle on promotions or raises. Saying “no” can lead to judgment. Saying “yes” too often leads to burnout.
Key source: Babcock, L., et al. (2022)
Book recommendation: The No Club by Linda Babcock et al. ★
3. The Motherhood Penalty (and the Fatherhood Bonus)
Even women without children report feeling the effects of motherhood bias—the assumption that they will, eventually, become less committed to their work. Mothers in leadership often report being passed over for stretch assignments or being asked whether they can “handle” the demands of their role.
Ironically, men often experience the opposite. Research shows that becoming a father can increase perceptions of stability and commitment.
Key source: Correll, S. J., Benard, S., & Paik, I. (2007)
Book recommendation: Forget Having It All by Amy Westervelt ★
4. Image Management and Self-Editing
Many women feel pressure to constantly manage how they’re perceived—carefully adjusting their tone, facial expressions, and even wardrobe to avoid being labeled “too emotional,” “too intense,” or “too ambitious.”
This self-monitoring is not about insecurity—it’s about strategy. And over time, it’s draining. When you’re thinking more about how to be heard than what needs to be said, that’s not freedom. That’s friction.
Key source: Roberts, L. M., et al. (2008)
Book recommendation: Shifting by Charisse Jones & Kumea Shorter-Gooden ★
5. The Performance-Tolerance Paradox
Research shows that women must perform at a higher level to be seen as equally competent—and are often given less room for error. A single misstep can be interpreted as a sign of weakness or proof that they weren’t “ready” for the role.
Meanwhile, men are statistically more likely to be promoted based on potential, while women are promoted based on proven performance.
This leads to a climate of perfectionism, where women feel the need to overprepare, overachieve, and overextend to maintain their position.
Key source: Ibarra, H., Ely, R., & Kolb, D. (2013)
Book recommendation: What Works for Women at Work by Joan C. Williams ★
And Then There’s the Pay Gap
The compensation gap is real and well-documented:
In the United States, women earn 82 cents on the dollar compared to men. Black women earn 70 cents, and Latinas earn 65 cents (AAUW, 2023).
Globally, women earn 77 cents for every dollar earned by men. At current rates, it will take over 130 years to close the gap (World Economic Forum, 2023).
This isn’t just about numbers. It’s about long-term financial security, wealth-building, and retirement readiness.
So—What Do We Do About It?
While we continue pushing for equity on a systemic level, here’s what individual women can do:
Track your impact. Keep a digital or physical record of achievements, milestones, and metrics.
Ask. Then ask again. Negotiation is a learned skill. Use it.
Diversify your support system. Don’t rely on one mentor or one manager for career guidance. Create a circle.
Be vocal—but strategic. You don’t have to fight every battle, but you don’t have to silence yourself either.
Take care of your nervous system. Rest, boundaries, and recovery are not luxuries—they’re leadership essentials.
Progress Is Happening
Here’s what’s encouraging:
The number of women CEOs in Fortune 500 companies reached an all-time high in 2023: 52, up from just 2 in 2000.
Women now hold 32% of senior leadership roles globally, up from 25% in 2016 (Grant Thornton, 2023).
Younger professionals of all genders are more likely to question inequity, advocate for inclusive leadership, and reject outdated norms.
There’s more to do—but we’re not starting from scratch.
Final Word
This content is for everyone. But it’s built for women because that’s who I want to champion in the world—especially the ones doing too much, receiving too little, and still showing up every day to lead with strength and grace.
I believe in creating content that helps you thrive in your leadership, not just survive it.
Because showing up as a woman at work shouldn’t come with an emotional surcharge.
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Heilman, M. E., & Okimoto, T. G. (2007). Why Are Women Penalized for Success? Journal of Applied Psychology, 92(1), 81–92.
Babcock, L., Recalde, M., Vesterlund, L., & Weingart, L. (2022). The No Club: Putting a Stop to Women’s Dead-End Work. Simon & Schuster.
Correll, S. J., Benard, S., & Paik, I. (2007). Getting a Job: Is There a Motherhood Penalty? American Journal of Sociology, 112(5), 1297–1338.
Jones, C., & Shorter-Gooden, K. (2003). Shifting: The Double Lives of Black Women in America. Harper Perennial.
Roberts, L. M., et al. (2008). Complicating Racial Stereotypes: The Case of Black Professional Women in Leadership. Academy of Management Review, 33(2), 396–413.
Ibarra, H., Ely, R. J., & Kolb, D. (2013). Women Rising: The Unseen Barriers. Harvard Business Review, September 2013.
Williams, J. C., & Dempsey, R. (2014). What Works for Women at Work: Four Patterns Working Women Need to Know. NYU Press.
Westervelt, A. (2018). Forget "Having It All": How America Messed Up Motherhood—And How to Fix It. Seal Press.
Menendez, A. (2019). The Likeability Trap: How to Break Free and Succeed as You Are. Harper Business.
AAUW (American Association of University Women). (2023). The Simple Truth About the Gender Pay Gap. https://www.aauw.org/resources/research/simple-truth
World Economic Forum. (2023). Global Gender Gap Report 2023. https://www.weforum.org/reports/global-gender-gap-report-2023
Grant Thornton. (2023). Women in Business Report 2023. https://www.grantthornton.global/en/insights/articles/women-in-business-2023
