How to Want More Without Feeling Guilty for What You Already Have
There’s a quiet tension many high-achieving women carry:
We’ve checked the boxes. We’ve built lives that others admire.
And yet—something still stirs.
A whisper: There’s more.
More purpose. More alignment. More ease. More of you.
But the moment that whisper grows louder, so does the guilt.
Shouldn’t you just be grateful?
Shouldn’t you stop reaching and finally settle in? Here’s the truth: Gratitude and desire are not opposites.
You can honor what is while still reaching for what could be.
Here’s how:
1. Separate Contentment from Complacency
Gratitude doesn’t mean staying still. It means noticing what’s good while still being open to what’s next.
Ask yourself:
Am I content—or just afraid to want more?
Is my gratitude a grounding practice—or a convenient excuse to stop growing?
Growth rooted in gratitude becomes expansive.
Growth rooted in guilt becomes self-sabotage.¹
2. Practice "Grateful AND…" Not "Grateful BUT…"
One word can change the energy of your entire narrative.
“I’m grateful but I want more” implies dissatisfaction.
“I’m grateful and I want more” reflects wholeness and agency.
Try replacing guilt-laced statements with ones that hold both truths:
“I’m grateful for my job and I know I’m capable of something more aligned.”
“I love my home and I’m excited to build a new chapter somewhere else.”
This small linguistic shift gives you permission to evolve without erasing what’s good.
3. Honor the Past Version of You Who Wanted This—Then Let Her Go
You did want this once. That life, that job, that version of success.
You worked hard for it. You should be proud.
But growth often means outgrowing the person who made those choices.
Write her a letter. Thank her. And release the idea that you have to stay her in order to justify the life she built.
This creates space to evolve from a place of respect—not shame.
4. Take Inventory of What’s No Longer in Alignment
Sometimes we cling to what we’ve outgrown simply because we fear seeming ungrateful. But misalignment doesn’t disappear just because you pretend it’s noble.
Make a list:
What parts of your life still feel energizing?
What parts drain you—but you keep anyway because they “should” feel good?
That quiet resistance? It’s your clarity trying to speak up.²
5. Make Space for Desire Without Needing to Justify It
Desire doesn’t always need to be “productive.”
It doesn’t have to come with a 5-year plan, a spreadsheet, or a logical reason.
Sometimes you want more because your spirit is hungry.
Because your future self is calling you forward.
Because your soul is ready for something deeper.
Let that be enough.
The more you trust your desire, the less you’ll apologize for it.
Final Thought
Gratitude is a grounding tool—not a leash.
Wanting more doesn’t make you ungrateful.
It makes you human.
And brave.
And honest enough to admit that a life that once fit… might be calling you to grow beyond it.
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Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting Blessings Versus Burdens: An Experimental Investigation of Gratitude and Subjective Well-being in Daily Life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389.
Wiest, B. (2020). The Mountain Is You: Transforming Self-Sabotage into Self-Mastery. Thought Catalog Books.
